Expecting – Part II

You were introduced to DJs and electronic music when you were the size of an ear of corn. And my, did you dance!

When you were the size of an eggplant, your papa and I took a walk in woods full of colour. Gentle drops of rain began to fall and we wondered if you could hear the forest, too.

You were on the cusp of being the size of a bunch of grapes when, relaxing in the bath, I watched my belly move as you moved. You were right there, and I was amazed by you.

We visited the spa and sauna when you were the size of a turnip. In the pool, I floated on my back and my belly, basking in weightlessness. But don’t worry – we watched you kick and spent the day talking about you.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with all of your grandparents when you were the size of a cauliflower. Everyone is so excited to meet you.

When you were the size of a pomelo, your papa and I decided that I was no longer a good belay partner. I knew there would be many more occasions for us to make decisions based not on our wishes, but on what was best for you.

You were the size of a coconut when we took a walk in a fine dusting of snow, and I wondered if you’d ever know the snowy winters your papa and I remember from our childhoods on different continents.

Your papa and I started prenatal classes when you were the size of a pineapple. I left the first evening fascinated by the work my body had done for you and almost looking forward to the experiences to come.

When you were the size of a butternut squash, it was time for me to stay home and get ready for you. For such a tiny creature, you certainly do come with a lot of accessories!

When you were the size of a Romaine lettuce, we started talking with the midwives about the best way to bring you into the world. However you get here, we cannot wait to meet you.

When you were just about the size of a melon, I was decisively ready for you. And at the same time, I was prepared to carry you as long as you needed.

Weimar, Germany – February 2026

A Dream

About ten years ago, I went through a difficult period in which I couldn’t see a future; I couldn’t dream. I tried to imagine one, five, ten years into the distance and saw blackness, absence, nothing. It wasn’t that bad things were happening, but that I couldn’t see anything at all.

I tried the same with friends of mine and could see a future for each one of them. I concluded that nothing was wrong with my imagination, but that something was wrong with my own thoughts about myself.

This is why I will always tell people that therapy changed my life. Go see a therapist – they are good people.

One of the things on my mind back then was one day, eventually, starting a family. Ten years has gone by faster than I ever would have thought and when I consider myself and two friends around me at that time, I can only throw back my head and laugh.

At the time, all of us were unsuccessfully dating. Now, we are engaged, partnered, married. None of us were ready for the children we all hoped would be somewhere in the future. Now, we are all preparing for babies who will arrive this year.

Ten years ago, I saw these futures for my friends though I couldn’t see one for myself. Today, I am holding hands with these friends across time and space; the future couldn’t look more different.

Madeira, Portugal – October 2025

Getting Ready

I recently started my time in Mutterschutz, the period from six weeks before my due date until eight weeks after the baby’s birth in which I am not supposed to work but receive my full salary, paid partially by health insurance. This time of “mother protection” is there to help avoid physical or mental strain, which increases risks for both mama and baby, and to allow a heavily pregnant woman to step back from certain aspects of daily life in order to prepare for what is to come. As I’ve been writing my to-do list, I’ve kept this time firmly in mind, which is what had me starting on task one, wash all baby clothes, first thing Saturday morning.

After a day of hanging in the living room to dry, everything was ready to be folded. We’ve received some baby clothes as gifts, but mostly been given gently used items from friends, meaning we are entirely lacking an overview of what we have. My partner and I looked at each other helplessly.

“How do you fold something so small?”
“I dunno.”
“Like this?”
“But now we can’t see what it is. Like this?”
“What is it?”
“This one has feet.”
“Oh okay. This one has arms but no feet.”
“Oh. Okay so start a new pile.”
“Which pile does this go in?”
“I dunno. Is that a onesie or does that go over a onesie?”
“How should I know? How do we even put this on? It has no snaps.”
“Do we need a pile for things without snaps?”
“These two things are different but neither has snaps.”
“I am not dressing her in anything without snaps.”
“Okay, put it here.”
“What’s the name of this pile?”
“Should we write signs?”
“Where does this go?”
“I’m serious about the signs.”
“This is so tiny.”
“There’s only one thing in this pile.”
“So combine it with this pile.”
“Oh wait, no, these are different. Fold the arms out so we can see that there are arms. Long arms.”
“We got this.”
“This is so tiny.”
“The next round is socks. How do we even dry socks?”

Savour everything now, they say. This time will never come again, they say.

To that end, we bought a new board game and borrowed one from friends. We started going out for dinner once a week and lie in bed weekend mornings until hunger drives us into the day. Alongside the ease with which we are living right now, there’s extensive paperwork to complete (welcome to Germany), a hospital bag to pack, bottles and pump to sanitize, a photo album to start. There’s a life to get ready for.

But there’s also the relationship between the two people who decided to be a family before there was a third member involved. Although no one has said so, maybe one idea behind Mutterschutz is to put relationships, rather than work, at the forefront in order to protect them at a time of great change. I would imagine that the stronger and more centered we are together, the easier the transition into a new phase of our lives.

Time will tell about that. In the meantime, the socks are drying on the radiator.

Marrakech, Morocco – October 2025

Photos, travels, musings, and ideas on education by someone trying to make the world a better and more peaceful place